AMJ Counselling newsletter #13

This is the thirteenth edition of my newsletter.

It’s been a while! A lot has changed, changed utterly, since I last published my newsletter.

I am writing this edition from my new home - in Belfast. We moved here seven weeks ago and are now firmly established with a new job (my wife), new school (my daughter), new place to do my in-person sessions (me), and nearly a new permanent home (all of us - on Friday!).

I will offer further reflections on this move on my blog and this newsletter over the coming weeks and some of the background to the move - I have told some of that story in this edition’s featured blog (“We are going home”) - but will also share some of the long-term considerations that went into the decision to make such a big change. That notion of change - whether imposed on us by others and/or circumstances - or through our own choices and decisions - is the stock and trade of therapy: seeking to make or navigate change in life.

It is what therapists work with clients on every day and so it’s been fascinating to experience my own huge change(s) and work through the process of navigating it myself. Not unsurprisingly, it is just as challenging for therapists as it is for clients: https://www.amjcounselling.com/amj-blog/change-is-hard

One of the things that isn’t changing with our move however, is my passion and commitment for working wth young people and caring about the things they care about. This is undoubtedly partly because I am father to a soon-to-be teenager, and deeply connected to my teenage nephew and niece (here in Belfast), but also a result of the five years’ work I have done in schools and with young people in my private practice in England.

The challenge of being a young person in 2026 is complex and requires an informed village of adults who can help them navigate a world that is full of pressure, expectations, comparisons, and online and offline toxicity.

I am so grateful to my many, many clients (based in England) who have switched online for our sessions since my move to Belfast, including many students - and to MindSpace for the wonderful space to work on the Lisburn Road, Belfast, for my in-person sessions (where I am already starting to see young people). I am also talking to schools about how I can bring my experience and passion to help them support their students. I want to continue to play my small part in working with young people as they make sense of the world around them and find their place and way through it.

This edition of the newsletter focuses a lot on young people and the mental health and wellbeing challenges they face.

I know there are loads of newsletters, bulletins and other great resources available on mental health, so I am really grateful to you for taking the time to read this one. I hope you find it interesting and helpful. I hope it provokes some reflection and offers food for thought.

If you would like to find out more about me and my work, you can read some of my background, hear about my practice, and watch videos and listen to podcasts on my website by clicking on amjcounselling.com

Thanks again for taking the time to read this edition, for subscribing, and for sharing this newsletter with others. If you have a friend or colleague you think would enjoy reading this newsletter, please pass it on. I would also welcome any feedback on the newsletter so I can improve it. Thanks a million.

Take care,
Ben

Photo(s) to profile

I have included three photos in this edition that speak to the big changes we have made recently, showing some of this extraordinarily rich and beautiful place which is now my physical home.

My emotional home (the home where my heart is) has always been on this wonderful island, with its wonderful people.

I feel so grateful that I am both physically and emotionally home now. I am so proud to be Irish.

Recent reflections

Education and exams

Since I last shared my recent reflections in this newsletter, we had the time of the year in which young people (of many ages) go through their most challenging and stressful time of year: exam season.

I see every day (sometimes several times a day) the negative impact that schools/colleges/universities and their related pressures and expectations have on young people. Yes, exams have always been stressful and tricky to navigate, but now we have two extra problems: it’s the age of toxic comparison (fuelled by social media) and the age of undue pressure and competition for everything.

Young people are being damaged every day because schools, colleges, universities and others are putting unnecessary and deeply unhelpful pressure them (e.g. no study leave for exams in schools, mandatory extra revision sessions, countdown to exams in emails/on walls etc, “you need to do XYZ hours a day”, and constant repetition of the importance of the exams - the students already know this!).

Anyone who cares about students and their wellbeing - and in some cases whether they are still alive to sit their exams - I’ve had so many students who have either contemplated suicide or attempted suicide faced with this pressure and expectation) - should be trying to reduce their anxiety levels not adding to them. We need to help students breathe and stay calm to be at their best for the exams, not browbeat and exhaust them.

I believe passionately that we need a total reset on how education is managed, organised and what it focuses on, if we are to build the right conditions for young people to thrive and be happy. Watching Lady Thirlwall deliver her the tragic conclusions yesterday on events at the Countess of Chester Hospital, I was struck by something which has become a cancer in public bodies and public life: focusing on the wrong stuff.

The focus she found was on organisational reputation and their finances, not people and their safety and wellbeing. We are doing the same in schools, with too much focus on results, league tables and measures linked to some aspects of “performance” (e.g. attendance and uniform). We are not focused on the stuff that really matters: the students.

It is true that you get what you measure in life. We are measuring the wrong stuff in education and health and as result we are missing the important measures: wellbeing and happiness.

Social media

Recent months have also been marked by the continuing debate about young people and social media, something I feeling very strongly about.

Over the summer, I completed my response to the UK government consultation on social media.

I strongly supported a ban on social media for under 16s and restrictions on other features which are designed to drive addiction to online platforms for young people. There are of course many practical and psychological challenges with a social media ban - and limits on what a ban alone can achieve - but we cannot let perfect be the enemy of good.

We must start somewhere in the UK and Ireland and take action now.

I’m ok with refining the approach as we go and making other changes, but let’s start by saving young people from this harm today - lives are being destroyed and lost every day as we do nothing.

Articles and other resources

If you follow me on social media (links below), you will see that I often share articles from the media that resonate with me and hopefully provide an opportunity for insights and reflection.

If you would like to follow me on any of these platforms you will see my posts and the material I share.

www.linkedin.com/in/benjaminjohnjones

https://www.instagram.com/benjaminjohnjones

https://bsky.app/profile/benjaminjohnjones.bsky.social

https://www.threads.net/@benjaminjohnjones

In keeping with the theme of this edition, I have included two pieces that reflect on the challenge of being a young person in 2026 (including a piece which looks at diagnosing mental health challenges - including ADHD - which I discuss with lots of my young clients).

Poetry recommendation

As I have mentioned before, as part of my mental health jam jar, I try every day (not always successfully) to read or listen to one piece of poetry. I love poetry - for me, poetry represents the most beautiful use of language and language is my favourite form of art.

In this edition, I am sharing “The Peace of Wild Things” by Wendell Berry.

It's essentially about what happens when the mind becomes overwhelmed and where we can find a moment of peace. Sometimes the most therapeutic thing we can offer a young person isn't another strategy, solution or piece of advice, but somewhere they can briefly put down the weight they're carrying.

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

YouTube recommendation

I was asked by a producer at BBC's Points of View to record a video with my reflections on the recent series of Race Across the World, which featured the moving friendship between two young men, Kush and Jo (both 19), from Liverpool.

I had commented on this beautiful relationship and their sensitive and supportive conversations about anxiety, suicide and men's mental health on social media, which promoted the BBC to contact me.

They didn't use my video, but I wanted to post it here as I feel strongly about the positive example these two young men are demonstrating and the incredibly important (and impressive) conversations they were having about the mental health and wellbeing of young people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IIhQLyIcaY

Book recommendations

I’m really looking forward to reading Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell’s new book, which explores how “therapy speak” is reshaping the identities of girls, often through the influence of social media. I bought it last week (when it was published in the UK), having read an excellent piece (included below) by her in The New York Times previewing the book. The book is called, “Girlhood, Translated: Understanding Girls in the Age of Therapy Speak and Self-Diagnosis”.

I was particularly drawn to it because this is something I encounter so often in my work with teenagers, and I’m increasingly interested in the way the language young people use can shape how they understand themselves and their experiences. It’s critical that we meet teenage girls where they are — without judgement or dismissal — and try to understand what they are actually communicating rather than getting caught up in whether the language they use is “right” or “wrong”.

Sometimes the words young people use can be unfamiliar to us, or feel overly-influenced by social media, but behind those words there is often something very real that they are trying to express. As a therapist, I think there is something particularly important about resisting the temptation to correct or challenge that language too quickly, and instead being curious about what lies underneath it. At the heart of therapy, and perhaps at the heart of adolescence too, is the need to feel heard and seen. That applies to teenage girls, of course, but ultimately it applies to all of us.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1398549762?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title

TV recommendation

Race Across the World on the BBC is great TV but it also throws up fantastic stories of teamwork and togetherness - and can often show young people in a positive light, shattering some of the lazy stereotypes abut “snowflakes” or other inaccurate and negative labels.

In the most recent series the beautiful friendship between Kush and Jo (two brilliant 19-year-old scousers who are making us proud in Liverpool) has brought me to tears several times.

Their maturity and understanding of each other (and of trauma and its impact) is mind-blowing. Their sensitivity, authenticity and respect for each other and the people they have met on their journey has been deeply moving. As have been the discussions of their experience of suicide and anxiety. These lads are boss!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002w169/race-across-the-world-series-6-episode-6?seriesId=m0002tvs-structural-6-m002thdt

Featured blog post

Wed, Jul 29

We are going home

Booking a session or getting in touch to find out more about me and my work

I offer sessions face-to-face, online, or by phone. Sessions run for around 50 minutes and cost £55. I offer discounted rates of £40 per session for students.

I do my in-person sessions in Belfast, Northern Ireland. All my sessions are mostly held during the daytime in the working week, with some limited availability in the evenings. I do not offer weekend sessions.

I offer a free initial consultation session to talk through my approach, answer any questions and help clients to consider if they think we can work well together before we get started.

To get in touch, please call, message or email me:

07779 796 815

benjones@amjcounselling.com