Recent reflectionsFawning In this edition I have highlighted some resources, including two books on fawning. I know from clients, that we are often familiar with the idea of our “fight or flight” response. Sometimes, people will reference a “freeze” response to psychological danger, but very few people - I can count them on one hand - have ever mentioned to me the fourth of our responses to such situations: “fawn”. It has therefore been really pleasing to see greater emphasis on fawn, or fawning, in recently-published articles and media coverage, in part because of two excellent books, the details of which I have included in this edition of the newsletter. The reason these books struck a chord with me - especially Meg Josephson’s incredible book, “Are You Mad at Me?” (which I read twice) - was because of how frequently (every day!) I see the patterns of responses she described, from her own life and the lives of many of her clients she discusses. Whether it is in response to a volatile parent; an alcoholic in the family; domestic violence growing up; abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual; bullying; insecure attachment to our closest care-givers growing up, or any other number of difficult experiences we can go through, especially in childhood, we often learn to fawn. These awful experiences often teach us survival skills and techniques which we use to try to keep us safe - physically and emotionally. They become our refuge. Our safe space, even if we remain in grave danger. Fawning - doing whatever it takes to pacify the person or people putting us in danger - is how we survive. We learn to read the room; judge their mood; anticipate their needs; make ourselves as small and quiet as possible so as not to rock the boat; and, we learn to people-please. We become world champion people pleasers. These techniques can help us get through awful situations but once we are away from danger - whether permanently as we move on with our lives, or temporarily as we are with other people who do not place us in danger, we often continue with these techniques. As a result, we can lose or our voice; always defer to others’ needs and wants; say and do anything to fit in and stay below the radar, even when we don’t need to, at the cost of having our own needs met. These behaviours are 100% understandable but not always 100% helpful. Being aware that we fawn even when we don’t need to, may be a useful thing to learn on the journey to learning to look after our own needs, rather than other peoples. If you recognise any of these experiences, technqiues or behaviours, you may benefit for digging a little deeper into fawning. The two books I mention below would be a great place to start.
Eating Disorder Awareness Week This coming week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week. As the brilliant eating disorder charity, Beat say on their website: “While there have been some significant and well-designed studies conducted in the UK in recent years, overall there has not been sufficient research to draw firm conclusions about the prevalence of eating disorders in the UK”. Beat put the number of people experiencing an eating disorder in the UK at 1.25 million, which, judging by the prevalence I see in my clients, is an under-estimate. As throughout the year, Beat provide outstanding free, online resources on eating disorders (I have included some links below) and other organisations and clinics or hospitals are providing free webinars or other awareness-raising or educational opportunities this week. One such source is the Lois Bridges Eating Disorder Treatment Centre (https://loisbridges.ie/), near Dublin. I have long-followed this facility and admire the work they do and the help they offer people of all ages and backgrounds. If you only follow one Instagram account this week, I suggest you make it this one: https://www.instagram.com/loisbridgesdublin/. As mentioned above, if you would like to find out more from a fantastic source of responsible, evidence-based information, please look at the resources I have included below from Beat. Beat - https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ - have a wide range of helpful resources on their website - some links below - which can help those who may be experiencing an eating disorder(s) or be close to someone who may be struggling. https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/signs-and-symptoms-of-an-eating-disorder/ https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/downloads-resources/ https://beat.contentfiles.net/media/documents/Eating_disorders_can_be_hard_to_spot_poster_-_Sep_2024.pdf
|
