AMJ Counselling newsletter

This is the tenth edition of my regular newsletter.

This edition has taken me a little while to put together, for both macro and micro reasons.

The macro factors (without hopefully sounding too pompous about it) are the difficult national and world events that are fed to me every day - despite trying to limit and manage my news intake. This includes the horrific and deeply distressing Manchester Synagogue attack which was both a horror in its own right and a dismal reminder of the scourge of anti-semitism which is blight on the UK and the world - and the ongoing (although hopefully abating) heartbreaking conflict in Gaza. Alongside this (for me) is the hideous reality of the ongoing presidency of Donald Trump, which makes me despair every day. In the face of such suffering and selfishness, I have found it harder to sit and write.

Undoubtably linked to this have been some micro factors, which include my own mental health. This took a major dip over the last month - something I reflect on in this newsletter in both my ‘recent reflections’ and in the ‘featured blog’: What to do and what to say when someone is struggling with their mental health.

I know there are loads of newsletters, bulletins and other great resources available on mental health, so I am really grateful to you for taking the time to read this one. I hope you find it interesting and helpful. I hope it provokes some reflection and offers food for thought.

If you would like to find out more about me and my work, you can read some of my background, hear about my practice, and watch videos and listen to podcasts on my website by clicking on amjcounselling.com

Thanks again for taking the time to read this edition, for subscribing, and for sharing this newsletter with others. If you have a friend or colleague you think would enjoy reading this newsletter, please pass it on. I would also welcome any feedback on the newsletter so I can improve it. Thanks a million.

Take care,
Ben

I took this photo on a recent walk with Dr J and Miss J.

The sky is beautiful - and evokes the colours of autumn for me, my favourite season - but it means a lot to me as this picture as it captures so many things from my mental health jam jar: time with my wonderful girls; fresh air; golf; one of my happy places (Royal Birkdale Golf Club); trying to walk every day; living in this peaceful place; being by the sea.

Recent reflections

Here are some reflections on my own recent depressive episode and my mental health.

I believe in openness and being authentic and so am happy to share without any sense of shame or embarrassment. I am ok with struggling. I am ok with working through stuff. I am ok with my clients seeing this side of me - so many of them tell me that my openness is one of the reasons they chose to work with me/enjoy working with me. I am always careful about how I share this part of my life, trying to ensure the sessions focus on the clients not me, but using my blog, this newsletter and social media to share.

Using my journal and some quiet time, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my recent depressive episode, which has been tough and unsettling as it’s lasted a while and I struggled to identify its trigger(s).

Despite much therapy, I hadn’t fully appreciated how much my sense of self (and my self-esteem) was dependent on how well I felt I was doing as a husband and a father. I knew it was important to me, but not quite how important.

It turns out, it is virtually everything to me.

My struggles of late have been tied up in my (very heavy) baggage in this area, influenced by many lived experiences.

I now know that I have found Miss J’s transition to high school much more triggering than I expected: with a lot of stress attached to my worries that I wasn’t being “perfect” for her and not always getting the validation I seek for my efforts. I know that perfect does not exist, and yet I have been striving for it and found it crushing if I felt I’ve come up short.

The good news: I am on to it; I am reflecting on it; I am now cutting myself some slack.

But, it’s been hard and has come at a time when other things have been tricky and/or different for me, including (and it may sound trivial) giving up sweets, chocolate, biscuits and cakes (as I approach 50 and work harder on my health). Change is difficult for lots of us - me included. I thrive on routine; safety; security; predictability and stability. No shit therefore, that recent changes in our lives (almost all of which have been positive) have caused me to lose my footing.

I am ok with struggling - it’s not my fault (something I discuss with clients every day when they reflect on the blame they feel for their own struggles). I am ok with continuing to learn about myself. I am ok with working through stuff. I am ok.

Articles and other resources

If you follow me on social media (links below), you will see that I often share articles from the media that resonate with me and hopefully provide an opportunity for insights and reflection.

If you would like to follow me on any of these platforms you will see my posts and the material I share.

www.linkedin.com/in/benjaminjohnjones

https://www.instagram.com/benjaminjohnjones

https://bsky.app/profile/benjaminjohnjones.bsky.social

https://www.threads.net/@benjaminjohnjones

Video recommendation

This video moved me to tears. It is beautiful. It is humility. It is grace. It is dignity. It is just what I needed to see. It is hope and light.

It is a call being made by Kristian Berg Harpviken, Director of the Norwegian Nobel Institute to this year’s laureate Maria Corina Machado to tell her she has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DPoM8UACCgu/

Podcast recommendation

’Jews Don’t Count’

I have long been an admirer of David Baddiel: comedian, author, public intellectual, and one of the UK’s most prominent Jewish voices. He was interviewed by Jonah Platt (for his fantastic podcast, ‘Being Jewish’) to talk about his incredible book, ‘Jews Don’t Count’.

There has never been a more important time in the UK and around the world to understand the anti-Jew racism, which David does in his book and in this interview. This book is one of the most important I have read - I wish it was mandatory reading for all (especially those who speak out about racism and equality).

This is such a vital topic and it is critical that people understand how it differs from traditional antisemitism and how and why this is different (very, very different) from being sceptical or critical of Israel.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/42MWNZ7NOVWJ0doSgaRJxl?si=7krADE46RZSHkghrpJPh3A

Book recommendation

I recently read Bishop Pete Wilcox’s powerful, hopeful, moving and inspiring memoir, ‘A Year Of The Lord’s Favour’.

I am very lucky to know Pete. Before he became Bishop of Sheffield we were on a residential leadership course together (when he was the Dean of Liverpool) - who I regard of one of the best people I’ve met.

His book is a wonderful mix of the deeply spiritual (but not at all pious or pompous), vulnerability, openness, wit, beautiful-writing and thoughtful reflection. I have already bought further copies as gifts. Pete is someone who inspires me, including in this book, from which I have taken many things - not least of all is marking the number of days I have lived for my daily journal (17,322 when I wrote this), helping me to focus on appreciating and valuing each day of life.

Featured blog post

Thu, Oct 2

What to do and what to say when someone is struggling with their mental health

It is the most natural thing in the world. When someone isn’t well or isn’t happy, we want to make them feel better. We want to cheer them up. We want to find the right words. We want to take away

Booking a session or getting in touch to find out more about me and my work

I offer day time sessions face-to-face, online or by phone. Sessions run for around 50 minutes and cost £55. I offer discounted rates of £40 per session for students.

I do not offer evening or weekend sessions.

I offer a free initial consultation session to talk through my approach, answer any questions and help clients to consider if they think we can work well together before we get started.

To get in touch, please call, message or email me:

07779 796 815

benjones@amjcounselling.com