Recent reflectionsMy mental health jam jarAs anyone who follows me on social media will probably know, I talk a fair amount about my mental health jam jar. It is hugely important to my ongoing work on my mental health. I use it every day. It is a concept that I first heard Alistair Campbell talk about on a documentary he made about depression - and then wrote about in his book, ‘Living Better’. He had been introduced to the idea by a Canadian academic, Dr Jehannine Austin, whose work including examining how genetic and environmental factors influence mental illnesses. Alistair took the jam jar analogy Dr Austin used and adapted it to help him manage his depression and to help maintain positive mental health. It is an idea that I love. An idea I find others love too. This jam jar concept has proved invaluable to me - and is something I talk with clients about regularly. I draw (very badly) a copy of my own jam jar (pictured below) in each of my journals and carry a copy on a card that’s in my notebook every day. It never leaves my side. I refer to it every day as I journal - using it as a way of tracking my self-care and to spot warning signs that my mental health may be heading for - or in - a dip. So, what is it? The jam jar is made up of many, many layers. The base layers - at the bottom of the jar - are those things that we do not choose, the things we cannot change: where we were born; our parents; our childhoods; any losses or other traumas we may have experienced; our physical health and make-up; in essence, the cards we were dealt in life. The contents of the rest of the jam jar is up to us. We decide what to include - and what not to include. We design it. We fill it. We also decide how many layers it has. It is after all, our jam jar. Each layer should be made up of the things that make our lives better; more content; more peaceful; more fun; happier; healthier; hopeful; and heart-filled. These things are by their nature entirely personal. What makes one person feel good, won’t necessarily work for the next person. Ideally, it would contain small things - that can be experienced each day - and bigger things, that may be more one-off. This is our jam jar - it needs to reflect who we are and what makes us tick. What do I include? After my base layers - the cards I was dealt by life - I include the following layers (which I add to/adjust throughout the year as I find new things or decide to change things that I had previously included): A&A - spending time with my wonderful wife and daughter - brunches; walks; time at home chatting; watching TV together; going to places together; just being together Writing - something meaningful every day, including emails, blogs, social media posts and my book and journal - to "think in ink" My work - which is a source of huge stimulation, satisfaction and joy for me Daily walks/runs - in the fresh air Golf and my relationship with Royal Birkdale Golf Club - which is a really happy place for me - on and off the golf course My SHED - sleep, hydration, exercise and diet - trying to find balance in these things Being Irish gives me so much joy - and connecting with our history, culture and people matters to me - as does watching Ireland play rugby Liverpool Football Club Radio 4/Radio 5 The Boston Red Sox Being sober - 2337 days and counting Drinking tea - good tea, including from Fortnum and Mason - a pot of this every morning Reading - something important to me each day, including the poetry of Robert Frost and W H Auden The New York Times - receiving a paper copy each day and the online editions Podcasts - news, politics, culture, US, history and counselling-related Music - especially classical and opera - especially Puccini Having time on my own - quiet time - me-time - downtime Connections - often through calls, WhatsApps, or messages - with a very small number of key friends Feeling like I am being a positive presence in the life of my family (Mum and sister and others) whilst managing my boundaries and looking after my needs Visiting my "go-to" places to read, write and reflect: RBGC; Crosby Coffee; Croziers; Potato Moon etc Planning/making plan and lists
How does it help? Here is the non-rocket science thing about it: make a list of the things you like, the things that give you joy and pleasure, and do them. Do some of them every day. The more you do them - the more of them you do - the more content you will be. It’s that simple. Accepting that some things that bring us down can’t be changed is helpful, but so too is accepting that the contents of the rest of our lives - of our jam jars - are down to us - they are a choice. So, let’s choose things that make life better. As well as having this list of things that improve my life - from small, day-to-day things, to bigger more one-off activities and experiences - I use my journal to track how many of these things I am doing each day. I know that the more I do, the better I feel. When my jam jar list is shorter, I know I feel less good. Like so many of the great things in life, it’s not complicated. It’s simple. It’s whatever you want it to be. It’s whatever you need it to be. It’s a jam jar.
|
